When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
