oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
