So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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