You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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