i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
