After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
