i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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