My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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