The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
he thought i was a dude.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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