Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize