Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize