Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
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