you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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