I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
what day is it and did you see me today?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
