Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
