I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
