Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
