Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize