i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
