I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
