Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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