Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
