I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
