They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
