Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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