Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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