When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
bring money and cleavage
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
