Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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