if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize