I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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