Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
