I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
