i barfeds in our rink
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
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