u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Fuck appropriateness.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
