they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
