I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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