Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
