dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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