wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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