He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
