Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
