the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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