I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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