I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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