kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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