I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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