Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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