Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
