I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
