8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
