if i can run in heels then i can drive
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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