If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
