I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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