I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Randomize
