Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
