She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
