I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
