Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
two words...techno handjob
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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