I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
