He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
