hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize