Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
