so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize