yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Every concussion has its silver lining
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize