I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
