not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
