I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
