Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
then he tried to convert me to islam
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize