drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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