he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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